If your heart dropped when you heard Dolly Parton died, you’re likely one of millions with that reaction.
It’s cliché, but it’s true: So many of us are shocked and deeply saddened by her death. Despite not knowing her, the impact she had was real, and it will live on.
You might be wondering why it hits so hard, especially if you’ve never met her. Here’s why Parton’s death may feel more meaningful than other celebrity deaths:
She embodied many values.
Parton was a wonderful singer and artist, but she was also so much more. She was admirable.
“While Dolly was absolutely a musician with incredible songs and talent, she represented much more than that, e.g., generosity, advocacy, kindness, humor, style, etc.,” said Suzanne Wallach, a licensed psychotherapist and the founder of SoCal DBT Center in Los Angeles.
She was always donating.
She didn’t just talk the talk, either.
“Dolly Parton publicly funded initiatives on children’s literacy, public health and mental health causes,” said Alexandra Cromer, a licensed therapist with Thriveworks. “Throughout her extraordinary 80-year life, she did not change or waver on her fundamental message and principles of love, kindness and acceptance for all.”
She united people.
Those above principles are ones we especially need to see in the world right now, right? That contributes to the grief, too.
“Especially in times like these, when our society feels so divided, we share a collective sadness at the loss of someone who loved without limits and created a common thread between people from different walks of life,” said Golee Abrishami, a psychologist and the vice president of clinical care at Octave.
She was influential for a long time.
Plus, there’s the time factor. Her impact spanned decades. It’s hard to forget all of the ways she changed people’s lives.
“Dolly Parton began winning the world over with her charm, beauty, style and vocals as early as the 1960s,” said Sharonda Brown, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in grief. “This is well over 60 years of entertainment increasing familiarity and closeness.”
She was known to people of all ages.
Parton also brought generations, and therefore families, together.
“Grandparents can belt ‘Jolene’ with their grandchildren,” Abrishami said. “Gen X and Gen Z alike can enjoy ‘9 to 5,’ whether you listened to it more on TikTok or a record.”
She was an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.
People in the LGBTQ+ community may be feeling the loss particularly hard since she was an advocate for them, speaking against anti-LGBTQ+ policies and so much more.
“Especially as a queer individual, Dolly Parton was an American icon,” said Dr. Alice Hoang, a Parton fan and owner of Brooklyn Mint Dental. “Her messages resonated with all of us, and the community has admired Dolly throughout her career and everything she did in support of the queer community. Dolly’s messages helped us find out who we were and with purpose.”
Other individuals in the community shared similar sentiments.
“Dolly’s passing hits quite hard today, especially as a gay man from a small Midwest town,” said Nate Brooking, senior executive assistant at Octave. “Her spirit and her music got me through tough times as a child trying to figure out who I was. Like many others in the LGBTQIA+ community, she taught me how to be comfortable in myself and to walk proud in the world.”
Regardless of identity, the impact Parton had on you is undoubtedly real — and that extends to the feelings you experience in the wake of her death. Simply put by Wallach, “It makes sense that someone who has been woven into our lives in such a big way impacts us when she dies.”
Omar Vega via Getty Images
Again, if you’re feeling sad about Parton’s death, you’re not alone. Social media will tell you that. Most of us technically have a parasocial relationship with her — a one-sided relationship in which she doesn’t know us and there’s an illusion of a face-to-face relationship — but that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real and valid.
“Grief isn’t proportional to how well you knew someone,” Wallach explained. “Sometimes we’re grieving the person, but we’re also grieving a time in our own lives that they represent. All of your feelings are real and OK.”
Knowing an experience has a name can be helpful, and what we’re looking at here does. It’s called “collective grief.”
“Collective grief is a shared emotion of pain, sadness and mourning experienced by a community somewhat universally after a loss of a well-known individual or tragic event,” Abrishami said.
That can look like a community grieving the loss of a public official, their homes after a wildfire or a favorite entertainer, Brown added.
That loss and sadness are significant. They speak to who Parton was.
“Collective grief posits that one person had such a significant impact on society as a whole that their passing affects a large amount of people individually on a very profound emotional level,” Cromer said.