Weddings are EXPENSIVE. Like, tens of thousands of dollars expensive, and any help financial help from family members is usually more than appreciated. Well…unless it comes with complaints.
And that is exactly the case when it comes to this story told by 57-year-old father throwR-7746, who sought advice from strangers in the Am I the Asshole subreddit about his son’s upcoming nuptials.
Here’s the story in his own words: “My son, 23 is engaged to Peggy, 22. They have been engaged for 5 months or so. Our culture dictates that Peggy’s father and I share the costs for their wedding. Her father said we should provide $10,000 each, a total $20,000 budget. I could afford this, sure, but this seems insane and extravagant to me.”
“I said I would give $5,000 and he could give whatever he wanted. Peggy’s father also put up $5,000. I told my son this and he told me outright it wasn’t going to be enough. He said, ‘I don’t mind, I figured that me and Peggy would have to pay for some of the wedding.’ I asked what he meant. He said no way would they be able to do their wedding for under $10,000. I said my own wedding, after haggling and deals, only came out to around $7,000 so I do not think this is an issue.”
“He argued against me and said that my wedding was 40 years ago and prices were different. He outlined some prices and said the cheapest venue he could find was $5,000, and food alone was going to be $2,500. He again said he didn’t mind and he thanked me for giving them money for the wedding, but I honestly felt hurt that he thought we were not giving enough.”
“I said, ‘How could food come out to 2,500 dollars?’ And he said that food was around $25 per person. I suggested ordering pizzas or sub sandwiches but he looked at me like I was crazy.”
“I said, ‘Ok, well we can just offer less for the photographer and decorator,’ and he said that isn’t how things are done. I said it is how things are done, and maybe if Peggy and him weren’t so spoiled and expecting the best of the best for everything then $10k would be plenty. After I said this he just closed his eyes and thanked me for the money and basically told me to get out.”
“I was complaining about this instance to my wife and she told me I was being a stick in the mud and it’s his only wedding. My friends agree with me though. Am I the asshole?”
WHEW. Reading through the comments, the overall consensus holds that the father is 100% in the wrong. To add a little nuance, commenters were careful with their words, pointing out that he’s not wrong to give $5,000 because it’s his money and he can donate as much or little as he wants. However, he was wrong to call his son “spoiled” and very out of touch to assume weddings are the same price today.
“You’re the asshole,” user u/Special_Respond7372 said. “An average wedding these days is about $25,000, depending on where you live. Your son and future daughter-in-law aren’t spoiled.”
(According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding in the US is actually even more expensive than that, sitting at around $30,000.)
Others drew from their own experiences, telling the dad:
“I got married in 2012. I paid $50 per head for the venue and food. It was the cheapest venue in the area. That same venue now charges $150 per head for the exact same thing,” user u/Flowerofiron said. “Seriously this is why so many people make fun of boomers. They just can’t imagine that prices have dramatically increased and they expect young people to be able to do what they did decades ago. My parents bought land and built a house for $90k in the 90s. The same house is now worth $1.5M. Things have changed dramatically.”
Furthermore, people condemned the father for arguing with his son despite the 23-year-old’s mature response.
“Your son and daughter-in-law handled this gracefully by making it clear they don’t mind paying for some of the wedding themselves and thanking you multiple times for contributing. You calling them spoiled was out of line and you should apologize,” user u/Special_Respond7372 said.
And finally, to drive the point home, numbers-guys ran that $7,000 number through an inflation calculator and noted that the numbers don’t add up.
“You’re the asshole,” user u/poeadam said. ”$7,000 in 1983 is about $24,500 now, so by your logic you should be giving him $12,000, not $5,000 or $10,000.”
According to our own calculations with the help of this inflation calculator, $7,000 in the ’80s would be exactly $25,919.45. So maybe dad should re-do his math.
