Years ago, it was perfectly acceptable to spend New Year’s Eve watching fireworks in your pajamas or sneaking a sip of champagne when no one was looking. Now, your timeline is filled with people dressed up in sparkly outfits, posing in front of trees adorned with plaid ribbons, as in the viral Ralph Lauren Christmas aesthetic, or squeezing in for a group selfie.
Social media is part of the reason we feel pressured to host elaborate gatherings and say “yes” to every invitation.
People in Sweden have found a social media-approved alternative to having a big night out ― a concept called ”Fredagsmys.” This tradition marks the beginning of the evening and is most closely translated as “Cozy Friday,” “Relaxed Friday” or “Friday night in,” said Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationship therapist and author at Passionerad.
“During cold and dark months, Fredagsmys is a way for us Swedes to hang out in a warm and relaxed setting and stay connected with our loved ones even when we’re tired and drained of energy,” she said. “It’s a time when feeling good is prioritized over networking or being the best version of ourselves.”
On TikTok, there are numerous videos of 20-year-olds and 30-somethings sharing their favorite ways to spend a cozy night at home, including their go-to snacks. “For me, Fredagsmys means turning on the fire at 6 pm, putting out thick wool blankets, and opening a bottle of wine,” said Marta, the 34-year-old co-founder and creative director of a U.K.-based luxury holiday company.
After enjoying homemade pasta or pizza, Marta loves to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. Her favorite snacks are chocolate and mince pie. Sometimes, she invites friends over, but finds that small gatherings add to the cozy ambiance.
The holidays take Friday-night FOMO up a notch.
After a busy week, there are a lot of expectations riding on a Friday night. It’s when we tend to get a case of FOMO (fear of missing out), which is essentially a combination of stress and worrying that you’ll regret staying home.
“During the holidays and weekends, FOMO can intensify because there is a higher likelihood of people gathering,” said Kiana Shelton, a licensed therapist with Mindpath Health. There’s also a sense of urgency to make the most of your time off from work. In this digital age, the underlying message is that something is wrong if you’re not busy traveling or spending time with loved ones.
“Social media has significantly increased people’s experience of FOMO because pictures of happy gatherings are instantly posted, making viewers feel like they’re the only ones who are left out,” said Lienna Wilson, a licensed psychologist in New Jersey.
Even before the internet, there were commercials, movies and Norman Rockwell paintings to show you how to plan the perfect holiday.
In fact, FOMO actually has evolutionary roots, Wilson added, explaining that our survival as a species depended on being part of a tribe or community. “We often monitor our social environment for signs of rejection or exclusion, equating them to danger to our survival,” she said.
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Why is Fredagsmys so popular?
The holidays are meant to be a season of joy and celebration. That is, until you start scrolling through social media or discussing holiday plans with friends and coworkers. Suddenly, the dinner you were planning seems bleak compared to an influencer’s elaborate tablescapes or your friend’s vacation in London.
“We tend to place a lot of value on productivity and perfection, which can be very draining and easily result in burnout,” Wilson said. “That’s why a tradition of slowing down in a low-pressure setting has become so appealing.”
Unlike our tendency to overspend during the holidays, Fredagsmys is focused on simplicity. Anyone can participate, whether they’re watching a movie by candlelight or arranging chips and candy on a snack platter.
Shelton agreed, saying Fredagsmys is easy to replicate and personalize regardless of your budget. “TikTok, as opposed to other platforms, tends to offer a trend-friendly format for life hacks that often spark joy and curiosity,” she added.
Another reason for the popularity of this tradition is that it responds to our need for connection following years of isolation during the pandemic. Intimate gatherings lend themselves to deeper conversations than when you’re straining to hear each other at a crowded venue. Plus, uploading a video of yourself helps you feel like you’re part of a community, even if you’re having a solo celebration.
Staying in can be a form of self-care.
“I no longer experience much FOMO, because I’ve come to realize that quiet Friday nights allow me to be far more energized and focused than any night out,” Marta said. Fredagsmys is about taking a moment to be still and present, whether you’re going to bed early, reading a book or listening to music.
“Self-care isn’t always about doing something active,” Roos said. “It can also mean doing nothing special, which makes you appreciate the parties or dinners you attend even more, as you’ll be there with fully charged batteries.”
Shelton agreed, saying that, too often, we view self-care as a luxury or a response to being sick. “Staying in on a Friday night or holiday can actually be a proactive way to prevent burnout,” she said. If you’re feeling guilty or judged for having low-key holiday plans, her advice was to reframe your thoughts about missing out by reflecting on how you’re intentionally choosing to stay in, which aligns with your present needs.
Between office parties, gift exchanges and your niece’s dance recital, you might feel overwhelmed by these obligations. Celebrating Fredagsmys can give you an easy way out of attending all these events. Wilson’s advice was to say that you have a prior obligation without elaborating.
In addition, holiday celebrations can derail your plans to eat or drink in moderation. “It can be very tempting to break your new habits when everyone around you is drinking alcohol or eating desserts,” Wilson said. “By staying in on a Friday night, you have greater control of what you’re consuming.”
Here are recommendations for celebrating Fredagsmys.
Shelton recommended planning your evening with the letters “ICU” in mind. The “I” refers to setting an intention for the evening, like “my goal is to feel calm” or “my intention is to reconnect with friends.”
Next, “C” refers to “create your vibe.” If your goal is to create a cozy atmosphere, she suggested making a list of foods, music and lighting to go along with that vibe. Finally, “U” stands for “unplug,” which is a reminder to turn off your devices and enjoy your night in.
Wilson also suggested soothing activities, such as reading. Doing relaxing and enjoyable activities helps activate our parasympathetic nervous system. “This helps us feel more balanced and creates a sense of safety,” she said.
Likewise, Roos’ advice for creating a cozy atmosphere was to light some candles, play music and put away your phone. As with Marta, she suggested making simple and tasty recipes, like pizza or tacos, and watching a fun movie.
“This type of relaxation signals to the brain that the work week is over,” Roos said. Additional benefits are reduced stress, better sleep and more energy.
“A perfect Fredagsmys isn’t complicated or fancy,” Roos said. It’s about having a good time without expectations or obligations.