In the holidays, I spent $60 in fuel and tolls driving my thirsty ute across Melbourne …
… to save $30 on a camping dunny.
True story.
That’s right, I literally burned more fuel than I saved … to buy a glorified bucket with a lid. (It’s for a camping trip – hey, we’ve four kids that aren’t strong enough to use a shovel.)
Yet I also scored four uninterrupted hours in the car with my 11-year-old son – a day of good chats and dodgy servo snacks.
Priceless!
As we drove out the farm gate, we passed what used to be golden paddocks where sheep would graze and old blokes would give you a dusty nod from the top of their tractors.
Now?
Sardine tins. Sold at caviar prices.
The northern fringe of Melbourne — where we live — is growing faster than my inbox after a long weekend. But the roads? Still the same goat tracks, just with more SUVs and road rage.
As we hit peak-hour gridlock, my son let out a theatrical sigh.
“Perfect,” I said. “More time to read election billboards.”
We passed Clive Palmer glaring down at us blowing his own trumpet.
“Is that our version of Donald Trump?” my son asked.
“Sort of. If Trump was raised on talkback radio and meat pies.”
As we snaked our way down the highway we passed billboards of ‘dead-eyes’ Dutton, and ‘tiptoe’ Albo. Seriously, these two have all the charisma of suburban accountants debating depreciation schedules.
“All the billboards mention the cost of living”, remarked my son.
Spot on, mate.
And the biggest cost? The roof over our heads — rent or mortgage. That’s where the squeeze is.
Australian homes are now some of the least affordable on Earth. And to afford them we’ve racked up world-class debt. Back in the mid-2000s, the average house cost four times the average income. Now it’s more than eight.
It’s clear that we’ve priced ordinary Australians out of their own neighbourhoods.
So what are the bold economic plans we’ll be voting for in the election?
Well, Labor wants to slash deposits to 5 per cent. Which is as dumb as it is dangerous. Remember, the US subprime crisis was created by politicians making it easier for broke people to buy homes.
Not to be outdone, Dutton, the so-called economic conservative, is promising to allow first home buyers to raid their super and write off their mortgage interest.
It’s madness.
Both policies are like turning up at an auction and handing everyone a suitcase full of cash. It doesn’t make homes cheaper. It just lets buyers bid higher — and history shows they always do.
And the result?
It drives house prices higher. It drives rents higher.
It seems like both sides have designed their housing policies to fit on a highway billboard:
Big font. Feel-good slogan. Eye-roll logic. Paid for with borrowed money.
And in doing so they’ve turned the great Australian dream into a financial trap. (Welcome, postcode povvos!)
After a long day of driving we got the portaloo and made it back home. Yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that our national housing plan was cooked up in the same aisle as the dunny bucket: cheap, flimsy, and bound to leak.
Tread Your Own Path!