You’ve Heard Of FOMO, But What Is ‘FOBO’?

The concept of FOMO is widely known these days. This term for “the fear of missing out” even made it into dictionaries starting in 2013.

But fewer people are familiar with a related and similarly potent force: FOBO.

If you’re someone who agonizes over every big and small decision (even after the choice has been made), then you’re probably well acquainted with the experience of FOBO. That doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, however.

Below, experts break down the definition and mental health implications of FOBO ― and share their advice for keeping it at bay.

“FOBO, or fear of a better option, is the anxiety that something better will come along, which makes it undesirable to commit to existing choices when making a decision,” author and venture capitalist Patrick McGinnis told HuffPost. “This specifically refers to decisions where there are perfectly acceptable options in front of us, yet we struggle to choose just one.”

McGinnis coined the term FOBO, as well as FOMO, back in 2004 when he was a student at Harvard Business School and wrote an article titled “Social Theory at HBS: McGinnis’ Two FOs.”

He believes that FOBO is “an affliction of abundance.” Our on-demand world overwhelms us with seemingly endless choices, thus compelling us to keep all our options open and hedge our bets.

“It’s that nagging feeling that makes you hesitate or downright freeze up when faced with a decision, especially if there are several options available, worried that a better ― or even perfect ― choice might be out there and come along at any second,” said life coach and entrepreneur Tomas Svitorka. “Whether it’s picking something from the menu at a restaurant, choosing a vacation spot or, in more serious cases, deciding on a life partner, FOBO thrives on the question: ‘What if there’s something even better out there?’”

This extreme risk aversion leads to overanalyzing and procrastinating ― the point of potentially never making an actual decision. Basically, it’s a recipe for indecision and “analysis paralysis” as people draw out the process of making choices and hesitate to commit.

“As a result, you live in a world of maybes, stringing yourself and others along,” McGinnis explained. “Rather than assessing your options, choosing one, and moving on with your day, you delay the inevitable. It’s not unlike hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock only to pull the covers over your head and fall back asleep … over and over and over.”

“FOBO is a serious problem that can inflict far more damage than FOMO,” McGinnis noted. “Unlike FOMO, which is largely an internal struggle that mostly hurts you, the costs of FOBO aren’t just borne by you, they are also imposed on those around you.”

People with FOBO tend to alienate their friends, families, business associates and potential romantic partners because people eventually lose faith that they will actually ever make a decision.

“When you treat your life like a Tinder feed, swiping with reckless abandon without ever committing to any of the potential options, you send a clear and unambiguous message to everyone else: You are the ultimate holdout,” McGinnis said. “You won’t set a clear course or commit to a plan of action. Instead, you will let the possibilities pile up and only make a decision when it suits you, likely at the last minute, if at all.”

The concept of FOBO is based in what he described as “an erroneous belief that the longer we look, the more options we will have, and this will somehow lead to a better outcome.” However, there’s no way to guarantee that, and instead, people may will wait so long they actually start to lose good options and end up wishing they had made a choice sooner.

“FOBO usually shows up as an endless pros and cons list running in your head,” Svitorka said. “Of course, thinking through major decisions is not a bad thing. One should take time and make the right choice. However, when FOBO gets involved, this doesn’t happen, and we keep running back and forth, unable to decide, usually for that elusive ‘what if.’”

Another cause of FOBO is simply the growing number of options that people have access to in our modern world.

“For example, you know you want to listen to a podcast, and when you go to search for something captivating, you are presented with thousands of topics and episodes,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Becky Stuempfig. “Or you need a new toothbrush and you head toward the toothbrush aisle to find 50 different types of toothbrushes, all with different features and price points. Many people experience this with food shopping. For example, you’re looking for peanut butter and you’re faced with countless options: Creamy? Crunchy? No stir? Organic? Salted? Nonsalted?”

She noted that FOBO reaches the point of becoming a problem more often in people living privileged lives with access to more opportunities. Still, anyone can experience it to some extent.

“It is a normal and healthy reaction to feel exhausted by what feels like an endless amount of options for almost every decision that needs to be made, often causing decision fatigue,” Stuempfig said. “While some degree of this is within a normal, expected range, it can become damaging to someone’s mental health when it prevents forward progress on life issues.”

FOBO can be contagious as well, she added. If you develop a pattern of avoidance at work, you might find yourself following a similar path when it comes to household decisions or family matters. And certain experiences or backgrounds might lead to severe FOBO.

“A person may have a pre-existing anxiety disorder, a traumatic history that they attribute to a wrong decision, or it can be learned behavior from their family of origin,” said Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Constantly second-guessing yourself and living in limbo causes stress, exhaustion and anxiety. Meanwhile, the idea of feeling peace and contentment with your life and choices can become an elusive dream.

“Mentally, FOBO can contribute to anxiety and depression, as the constant search for better options prevents individuals from fully enjoying their present circumstances,” said psychologist Patricia Dixon. “This mindset fosters dissatisfaction and can erode self-trust, leading to procrastination and indecisiveness. In relationships, this fear can hinder personal growth and connection. ”

FOBO can wreak havoc on things that were once a source of joy. You might have enjoyed reading novels, but constantly struggling to choose your next book sucks the enjoyment out of the experience. The affliction manifests in many ways.

“FOBO can lead to an anxiety or personality disorder developing, the symptoms could result in loss of appetite and sleep, which could lead to physical illnesses,” Henry said. “Additionally, there could be loss of opportunity or relationship if the decision to be made is about taking a job or accepting a marriage proposal, for example.”

“To combat FOBO, it’s essential to shift your mindset about choices,” Dixon said. “Embrace the idea that your decisions may be the best for the moment, even if alternatives arise later.”

Rather than viewing other options as inherently better, she recommended recognizing them as simply different. This perspective can encourage you to make decisions and own them instead of waiting for something better. And remember that you can always pivot and adapt in the future as new options emerge.

Dixon also pointed to the role of social media in exacerbating FOBO by fostering a culture of constant comparisons and a sense that there are always endless better options.

“To break this cycle, it’s crucial to cultivate self-trust and listen to your instincts,” she said. “Often, the allure of ‘the grass being greener’ is a facade that distracts us from appreciating the value of our current choices.”

If you feel like the anxiety and stress related to FOBO are consuming your life, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Counseling can also help you work through big decisions.

“Besides going to therapy, other possible solutions could look like involving others who you trust to weigh in on your decision or creating a plan for both sides of the decision to be made,” Henry suggested. “Really ask yourself ‘what could I be losing/gaining?’, ‘what if the better option comes along?’, ‘does this current decision have to be permanent?’, ‘can I afford to not take this job?’”

Svitorka similarly advised assessing the risk and reversibility of making choices. Keep in mind that most decisions aren’t permanent.

“You might be surprised how often you can course-correct,” Svitorka said. “If the pizza topping wasn’t as magical as you hoped, well, there’s always next time. Even with bigger things like jobs, if the job offer turns out to be less dreamy than promised, well, you can look for another job. It wasn’t going to be your last job anyway.”

He also recommended creating your own predetermined rules, like always opt for the healthier dish or slightly cheaper cocktail when overwhelmed by menus. Considering your long-term vision and values ― like living a healthy lifestyle and saving money ― and making decisions in accordance with those can help you feel more confident.

Don’t be afraid to sample different options over time, too. Rather than ruminating in your head, get out there and be brave enough to just try things. You’ll get a better sense of what’s right for you. And when in doubt, just trust your gut.

“Our subconscious can piece together more than we realize from small cues, giving us that subtle nudge,” Svitorka said. “If you sense a ‘pull’ toward one choice (or a sense of unease), listen to it.”

Flipping a coin can also be helpful, he added. Pay attention to how you feel before you look at the result ― do you hope it lands on heads? What about your reaction when you see the answer? Do you wish it had been tails? These feelings may point to your actual decision.

For higher stakes decisions, Stuempfig suggested consulting with supportive loved ones, specifically an odd number of people to break any ties. At the very least, the exercise can help create forward momentum.

“To counteract FOBO, the key is to simplify,” she said. “I encourage people to consider simplifying their options at the very beginning of the decision-making process by distilling options down to two to three options. From there, the next step is changing the mindset from expecting no future regrets to allowing a small amount of regret, knowing that a small amount of regret is part of making a choice rather than a reflection of a poor decision.”

It’s unreasonable to expect a decision to come with no regrets or that you will know with 100% certainty that it’s the “right” choice. Living with a little uncertainty is just part of the luxury of having lots of options.

“When faced with decisions, it can be helpful to come up with a nonjudgmental, compassionate mantra,” Stuempfig said, offering an example: “I am grateful for so many options and know that I am exactly where I need to be at this moment in time. I am capable of making this choice and have the skills necessary to handle any possible outcome of my choice.”