What Kind Of Introvert Are You?

Ah, yes, that moment when you finally get home and can just relax. Changing into PJs and doing whatever you want to do — by yourself — hits different, doesn’t it?

If you’re a homebody or enjoy quiet, personal time, you’re probably an introvert. In other words, you “recharge” by spending time alone (or in small groups with close loved ones) and prefer those settings.

Even more interesting — perhaps especially for fellow personality test lovers — there are four types of introverts: social introverts, thinking introverts, anxious introverts and restrained introverts.

Ahead, therapists dive deeper into what each type looks like and their suggestions for embracing it:

Rhea Freeman, a business coach, mentor and author of “You’ve Got This,” does a lot of public speaking and has even been on the radio and TV. And yes: She’s also an introvert.

“When we think ‘introvert,’ we often think of someone who’s shy in social situations, but that’s not me,” she said.

For social introverts, the “introvert” part is more about preferring smaller groups and people you know.

“I’m OK with large-ish groups but I find it a lot, particularly if I don’t know the people as I’m never quite sure what to do,” she said. “If it’s with people I know, I’m fine, or if I have a job to do, I’m fine, but socially is a bit different.”

Avoiding big events is her instinct, she continued, but she’s been trying to push herself to embrace those opportunities more.

According to therapists, signs of social introversion include:

• Preferring small gatherings with close friends or one-on-one conversations
• Enjoying solitary activities and not feeling lonely when you’re hanging out by yourself
• Feeling drained after extended social interactions, or needing time to recharge after, even when you had fun
• Preferring to communicate via text or online

Ultimately, lean into your social introversion. “I recommend social introverts engage in small gatherings where they can connect with a few people at a time, and schedule downtime afterward to recharge,” said Monica Cwynar, a licensed clinical social worker with Thriveworks in Pittsburgh who specializes in relationships, trauma and coping skills.

Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist, author, podcaster and researcher, said that setting clear expectations with loved ones can be helpful, keeping them in the loop and helping them understand. Having that conversation and giving yourself the grace to embrace your needs can help you avoid resenting your interactions and loved ones, she explained.

That conversation may feel uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean you did anything “wrong.”

“Don’t let societal pressure make you feel like solitude is a flaw — it’s a strength,” said Caitlin Slavens, a psychologist and clinical director of Couples to Cradles.

In short, knowing and honoring your boundaries is key. “It’s OK to say ‘no’ to events that feel draining,” said Kristin Anderson, founder of Madison Square Psychotherapy and a licensed psychotherapist who supports introverted clients. “Plan downtime after socializing, and lean into the relationships that nourish you.”

Fiona Fletcher Reid, a 38-year-old Scot and podcast host of “Sunflowers and Stars,” is a thinking introvert. She said she thrives when she’s left to her thoughts. Daydreaming and thinking keep her from feeling overwhelmed or depressed.

“I feel most ‘me’ when I’m reading nonfiction, learning about topics I’m interested in, like mental health or spirituality,” she said.

So, she deliberately finds pockets of time for deep thinking and getting creative with tarot cards.

“It’s a simple daily habit to pull a tarot card, but it triggers a moment of introspection that can have a really positive impact on the rest of my day,” she said.

Signs of thinking introversion, according to therapists, include:

• Frequently daydreaming or fantasizing
• Engaging in deep reflection
• Being highly introspective and self-aware
• Enjoying solitary activities that are creative or engage the mind, like writing, painting or puzzles
• Finding yourself lost in thought during conversations
• Feeling overwhelmed in fast-paced discussions

A happy medium is key. Cwynar recommended thinking introverts “find a balance by allowing for social interaction that does not compromise their need for solitude.”

That might look like going on a trip with a couple of friends and scheduling independent time. Or, Kelley suggested scheduling creative and reflective activities, practicing mindfulness and sharing your insights with others.

Slavens emphasized that those habits have value. Introspection can fuel creative and personal growth, she said, as well as help you organize your thoughts. She urged people to not apologize for needing “mental space.”

Anderson agreed. “Make space for your imagination and realize it’s a gift,” she said. “Don’t be afraid to share your ideas with others — they often will appreciate them more than you realize.”

Rachel MacPherson, a 39-year-old Canadian personal trainer and writer, said she leaves social situations feeling drained, beating herself up and analyzing everything she said. As a result, she struggles to go to social events in the first place.

“What that looks like is spending the hours leading up to the event convincing myself I should go, worrying about the interactions and feeling as though I could find a reason to back out,” she explained.

She’s found a way to handle it, though. “I’ve learned to manage this by telling myself that once I’m there, I’ll have a ton of fun, which is pretty much always the case.”

According to therapists, signs of anxious introversion include:

• Feeling nervous or self-conscious before or during social events
• Avoiding or dreading social interactions (especially unfamiliar ones) due to a fear of embarrassment or judgment
• Overanalyzing past social encounters, or replaying social interactions in your head
• Feeling more comfortable in familiar environments or with trusted people
• Hesitating to approach new people

Cwynar encouraged gradually exposing yourself to social situations. Maybe you go to an event but don’t stay for long, bring a friend with you or find a smaller hangout.

“Finding safe spaces or supportive individuals can empower them to engage socially at their own pace,” she said.

Seeking support from a therapist is helpful, too. Kelley said therapists can help address anxious thoughts and feelings, practice talking to others, and share self-compassion skills to help you challenge negative self-talk.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may be particularly useful for the latter, according to Slavens and Anderson. It helps you reframe your thoughts, leading to more positive emotions and helpful behaviors.

On that note, Slavens shared one way to reframe a thought: “Your brain is just trying to protect you, even if it overdoes it sometimes.”

Anderson shared another helpful reminder: “It’s OK to feel nervous, but remind yourself that you’re not being judged as harshly as you might think.”

Erin Mantz, vice president of marketing at Zeno Group and the founder of Gen X Girls Grow Up, is a restrained introvert (also known as an inhibited introvert).

“The first word that comes to mind is exhausting,” she said. “The reality is that restrained introverts have to force themselves to walk in unnatural territories every day — at work and even play … If there is a sudden or unexpected change in a plan to go out socially, I need time to mentally prepare.”

In those settings, she processes her thoughts more than she expresses them verbally; she’ll only share her thoughts if someone directly asks for them.

Signs of restrained introversion, according to therapists, include:

• Preferring to observe groups, especially before participating in them
• Needing time to feel comfortable in a new group, or taking time to “warm up” to people
• Disliking the feeling of being “put on the spot”
• Being reserved in group settings
• Taking time to make decisions and respond to questions
• Acting or responding carefully and methodically, preferring to think before you act
• Valuing deliberate routines and predictability
• Feeling markedly more relaxed after social interactions end
• Preferring planned events over last-minute invitations

If that sounds familiar, Anderson encouraged you to take situations at your own pace, embracing the beauty of thoughtful living.

“Your pace is just as valid as anyone else’s,” Slavens agreed. “Surround yourself with people who appreciate your thoughtfulness and don’t push you into quick decisions.”

Then, when you’re ready, Cwynar encouraged gently challenging yourself to engage more. She suggested recognizing the value of your thoughtful contributions first to help build that confidence.

At the same time, listen to your gut. “Being cautious is also a form of being intentional, so when used the right way, it can be a strength,” Kelley added. She encouraged communicating your needs and engaging in self-confidence-boosting activities.

The idea of communicating your needs may be scary — and that doesn’t mean it won’t go well. To help you feel more comfortable, Cwynar suggested having the conversation in a setting that makes you feel most at ease, like writing it down and handing it to the person or having the discussion one person at a time.

If you feel self-conscious about being an introvert, you’re not the only one. At the same time, try to not forget or belittle the value you offer.

Being an introvert, an extrovert, an ambivert — none is better than the other. All these personality traits have strengths and beautiful characteristics. And embracing that can help you contribute more meaningfully, according to Kelley.

More specifically, therapists agree that introverts’ deep strengths include deep thinking, listening skills, thoughtful reflection, empathy, creativity, the ability to form meaningful connections and even leadership. Cwynar will be the first to tell you that the world needs that.

“You don’t need to be the loudest in the room to make an impact,” Slavens added.

Anderson agreed. “In a society that sometimes feels like a race to be the loudest or the busiest, introverts remind of the power of stillness and depth.”

The original version of this story was published on HuffPost at an earlier date.