Dear Scott,
I’ve been married for 35 years, and I am scared. I’m only 81 days away from accessing my super balance, which is $30,000. I need to take that money and escape from my husband. I would be leaving a property worth $1.7 million. Nothing is in my name, only the debt of $170,000 that’s left of the mortgage. I know I’m losing everything I’ve worked for, but I’m scared of him, and scared that he can take what I have left. I feel I need to take the money and go overseas so he can’t find me.
Denise
Hi Denise
I am so sorry.
You’re right – now is the time for action – you need to escape.
But how?
Well, let me tell you a little secret. I’ve helped hundreds of women plan their escape, and their partners all had one thing in common:
They were bullies.
And, like all bullies, they work hard to convince their partners that they have all the power, sometimes with violence. Mostly with insults and put-downs that systematically erode their self-esteem. And almost always by controlling all the money, which keeps them trapped.
Denise, his days of bullying you will soon be over.
That’s because over the next 81 days I want you to do the following:
First, call your bank’s hardship department.
Tell them what’s going on. They will open a bank account in just your name that he can’t access. The best banks will even fund it with some ‘getaway money’. Seriously.
Second, lock everything down.
Change all your passwords and PINs, and lock down your phone’s privacy and location-tracking settings. While you’re at it, scout around and find as much financial information as you can: you’re looking for copies of your marriage and birth certificates, and any information on shares, property or superannuation.
Third, go see a family lawyer.
The first meeting will be free, and they’ll explain that you’re entitled to a share of the assets. He may have bullied you into believing that he can take your super, but the truth is that it’s he who needs to be worried financially!
Finally, when it comes time to make your escape, spend money on getting safe accommodation that he can’t access, and getting counselling. Reach out to the 1800RESPECT line on 1800 737 732 – there are people who can help you.
Good luck.