Hey Scott,
I’ve been following you for years. Your recent take on “Should I tell my kids how much I earn?” got me wondering about the flip side: Should I ask my son how much he earns? He’s 26, still living at home, working full time since TAFE. He pays a bit of rent, chips in for bills, says he’s saving for a house one day. We get on great: good chats over Sunday dinner, no drama. I’m curious about how he’s doing, but I also want to respect his privacy. If I don’t share my income, is it fair to ask about his? Or should I just zip it and trust he’s got things sorted? What would you do, Barefoot?
Vanessa
Hi Vanessa,
Should you ask him how much he earns?
Wrong question.
You have good chats and no drama with your kidult who’s still living at home?
That doesn’t happen by chance. It tells me you’ve built a good, respectful relationship. That’s seriously huge, and you’ve earned the right to influence him.
So use it.
Ask him this instead: “Where do you want to be when you’re 30?”
He’s got four years. Does he have a specific savings target? A move-out date? Or is he just vibing in your spare bedroom?
Here’s what I’m seeing: He’s working full time, paying a “bit” of rent, and “chipping in” for bills. Meanwhile, his mates who moved out years ago are paying $400-plus a week in rent and bills and figuring out how to actually budget on what they earn.
But your son?
He’s playing Auskick in the backyard.
Look, I get it – you love him, and you want to help him save. But here’s the reality: if he’s paying you $150 a week instead of the $400-plus his mates are paying, that’s $250 a week in subsidised cushiness.
And over the next four years until he’s 30?
That’s a $52,000 free kick!
(And is it worth the embarrassment of telling potential romantic partners he still lives with his mummy?)
So here’s your Sunday dinner conversation: Tell him it’s time to put a number and a date on this ‘saving for a house’ dream. What’s his target? When’s he moving out?
Oh, and here’s one final question, for you:
Are you helping him, or enabling him?