When you’re young, you spend a lot of time daydreaming about the type of person you’d like to become.
I want to become a CEO, a politician, a business owner, an astronaut, an actor, an uber-rich person, etc.
One reason the dreaded mid-life crisis exists is that expectations are often too high when you’re young. Reality punches you in the face in middle age.1
My antidote to a mid-life crisis involves some combination of gratitude, lower expectations and not buying a convertible.
I’m also trying to avoid the dream mentality of worshipping other people or lifestyles by defining the stuff I don’t want to be or do.2
For example, early on in my career, I realized I could never work in a soul-sucking job that required 70-90 hours a week in the office. That also meant not making as much money as those people when I was young, but that was a trade-off I was willing to make.
Here are some other things I don’t want when I grow up:
I don’t want to be a rich guy (it’s always a guy) who complains about taxes. I’m a big fan of the Bill Perkins book Die With Zero. I’ve recommended it to a lot of people because I love the idea of giving yourself some extravagances in life and enjoying your money while you can.
Perkins created his wealth as an energy trader for a hedge fund. He’s made a lot of money.
On Noah Kagan’s podcast, Perkins talked about what it was like to make $100 million in a single year:
Kagan: What’s it like to make $100 million a year?
Perkins: Angering when you pay the taxes, but I think abut where I’m allocating it right now. Because I don’t want to work for nothing.
Later in the interview Perkins said the biggest check he’s ever written the IRS was for $54 million.
On the one hand, I understand how painful it must be to hand over that much money to the government. Our politicians can be wasteful with their spending, and no one agrees with every policy or initiative our government institutes.
I’m never going to have that kind of money, but because I am an equity partner at Ritholtz Wealth, I have to write a check every quarter to pay my taxes. It stings when you see the money come in and then go back out.
It almost doesn’t seem fair.
On the other hand, I can’t imagine making that much money and having my first feeling about it be anger about paying taxes.
It means you won the game!
Sure, the government can be imprudent with our tax dollars, but the best way to avoid paying high taxes is to not make money.
America is the land of opportunity. This is why millions of immigrants want to come here every year. Making boatloads of money requires skill and hard work, but it helps to be born in a country with the best, most liquid financial markets and a system of rules and regulations that fosters innovation.
Rich people wouldn’t have to pay as much in taxes if the Fed, Treasury and government didn’t step in to spray a bazooka of money around during the pandemic because we would have gone into a depression.
I want to be grateful for whatever money I have because I was lucky enough to be born in the United States.
I don’t want to become a grey-haired permabear. Warren Buffett wrote the following in his 2020 shareholder letter:
In its brief 232 years of existence, however, there has been no incubator for unleashing human
potential like America. Despite some severe interruptions, our country’s economic progress has been breathtaking.
Beyond that, we retain our constitutional aspiration of becoming “a more perfect union.” Progress on that front has been slow, uneven and often discouraging. We have, however, moved forward and will continue to do so.
Our unwavering conclusion: Never bet against America.
My respect for Buffett has grown over the years, not because of his investing prowess, but because he’s remained a steadfast optimist well into his 90s.
I’ve witnessed countless legendary investors turn into permabears in their older years.
My goal is to continue viewing the glass as half full.
I don’t want to stop working at least a little. I enjoy working. I also enjoy relaxing but life is about balance.
I don’t want life to be all about work all the time but working helps keep you sharp.
I don’t ever want to stop completely.
I don’t want to become a person who pays for the premium car wash. It’s a rip-off. The basic gets your car just as clean.
I don’t want to obsess over my finances. I always want things going in the right direction but don’t want perfect to be the enemy of good.
I don’t want to become beholden to specific levels of income or wealth or returns.
Good enough is good enough.
I don’t want to waste my healthy years. I’m in better shape in my 40s than I was in my 30s.
I eat better. I exercise more. I have a more regular sleep schedule.
There’s probably an element of middle age and recognizing my mortality involved in this health kick.
I want to have enough energy to keep up with my three kids and their ever-growing list of activities.
I don’t want to miss out and waste whatever healthy years I have left.
Further Reading:
The Best Investment I Ever Made
1The good news is happiness typically follows a U-shaped curve so after you get over the mid-life crisis, happiness increases with age as you become more comfortable with your life choices.
2I’m not judging anyone else when I describe the things I don’t want. To each their own. I’m just sharing some personal feelings here. This is what happens in middle age.