Every four years, I take it as my duty to remind everyone that figure skating is, without a doubt, the most terrifyingly athletic sport in existence.
1.
First of all, let’s talk about the chucking.
2.
Like, they’re up there tossing human beings five feet in the air, on skates, ON ICE.
3.
There’s also the human sweeping.
4.
Which is, not only insane, but also unreal.
5.
The level of trust required to let someone spin you two inches above solid ice is…a lot.
7.
We have whatever is going on right here:
10.
It’s very much giving “Look what I can do!”
11.
It’s like she’s on one of those swings at the amusement park.
12.
Yeah, I’ll stick to Six Flags.
13.
Even when they fall, it’s like, how can you still walk?
15.
I didn’t know the human body could contort into a circle like this.
16.
I also don’t think people realize that they are spinning at approximately 300 miles per hour while holding their own blade. WITH THEIR HANDS.
17.
My ankles hurt just looking at this.
19.
This hairography, though.
20.
One slight slip and this becomes a very different kind of news story.
21.
The margin for error here is roughly the width of a dental floss string, like that skate could do some permanent damage.
24.
It’s like he’s being raptured.
25.
Another picture where the camera angle is completely confusing me.
26.
I’m sorry, but is he floating? Is there a harness I’m not seeing?
27.
I can’t even tell you what’s happening here.
29.
Me trying to reach for the remote without getting off the couch.
31.
I got a cramp just from looking at this picture.
32.
I am 100% convinced their face is trying to leave their body.
35.
And really, I have NO IDEA how someone could be that flexible.
36.
I can barely touch my toes (I just checked, I can’t), and she’s doing this on a single ice skate.
37.
I have never seen anyone look so elegant with a blade four inches from their face.
38.
I have so many questions, starting with: HOW? And ending with: WHY??????
39.
This isn’t even athletic anymore, it’s just a straight-up dare.
40.
I get dizzy standing up too fast from the couch, and then there’s this…
41.
In conclusion, they are athletes. They are artists. They are clearly completely superhuman.