In a typical pediatrician visit, routine questions about sleep, appetite and school follow discussions of vitals and growth charts.
But as children grow into preteens and teens, doctors sometimes ask parents to step out of the room for a brief moment, giving kids a private space to speak openly with their medical provider.
This scenario has sparked a heated conversation after a TikTok on the topic sparked debate among parents, teens and medical professionals. In the comments, one person summed up a recurring skepticism: “Not a chance and not on your life. There is no way a parent can know if they trust that doctor or not based on the three-minute visit they gave six months before.”
Experts say doctors aren’t shutting parents out — they’re creating a space where teens can be seen and heard on their own terms.
“Having a private moment with a pediatrician provides a second opportunity for kids to discuss sensitive topics with a well-informed adult who is trained to stratify risk and respond appropriately to whatever adolescents share,” Dr. Bronwen Carroll, a pediatric emergency physician, and professor at Boston Medical Center and Boston University, said. “If kids aren’t comfortable speaking to their parents, then speaking to their pediatrician is clearly a better option than not receiving any support or guidance from anyone at all.”
Despite these reassurances, many parents are still uneasy. So what makes doctors so insistent on these private conversations, and why do experts believe they matter?
Why Confidential Conversations Are Essential
One-on-one time with doctors isn’t just a bonus offering, it’s essential.
It “sends a message that the adolescent’s voice matters,” Lance Garrison, Ph.D., Dean of Professional Psychology at The Chicago School, said. These opportunities give teens a safe space to ask questions about anxiety, identity or relationships that they might hide from parents. Without it, they often turn to peers or social media: “unfiltered and unreliable sources” that can mislead or overwhelm.
Dr. Garrison defines adolescence as “a key period of brain development and identity formation,” when teens are “seeking greater independence while still relying on adult guidance.”
That’s why privacy and autonomy matter so much. They help build trust, confidence and the ability to make good choices. When teens feel respected and heard, they’re more likely to set boundaries and ask for help when they need it.
“If kids aren’t comfortable speaking to their parents, then speaking to their pediatrician is clearly a better option than not receiving any support or guidance from anyone at all.”
– Dr. Bronwen Carroll, a pediatric emergency physician, and professor at Boston Medical Center and Boston University
“When parents communicate that they trust their kids and trust their decisions, they instill confidence,” Dr. Carroll said, adding that doubting a teen’s ability to speak privately with a professional can “undermine appropriate adolescent development.”
Private conversations also allow physicians to address problems that might otherwise go unnoticed. “While of course pediatricians can offer all teen patients anticipatory guidance and education regarding the risks of a variety of unhealthy behaviors,” Dr. Carroll said, “it is impossible to help kids with specific problems without having open and honest communication.” A teen complaining of abdominal or chest pain, for instance, may also be engaging in vaping or sexual activity — information that is vital for accurate care.
For many parents, the idea of stepping out of the exam room during a teen’s doctor visit can feel unnerving. Dr. Carroll, who is also a sexual abuse prevention advocate, understands the discomfort, but notes that not allowing a child to speak to a doctor privately does not gain a parent any additional information or insight. “It just adds the doctor to the list of people who may be in the dark,” she said. When a teen shares concerning information, a pediatrician’s priority is helping the adolescent figure out how to involve their parents in the conversation.
SDI Productions via Getty Images
“Our ultimate job is to prepare our kids to thrive in the world independently,” said Dr. Carroll, noting that learning to speak with a trusted adult helps adolescents build lifelong self-advocacy skills. Experts also emphasize reframing privacy not as exclusion but as trust. “Parents can set the tone by expressing that they support their teen having private time with the health care provider,” adds Dr. Garrison. “And that it doesn’t mean keeping secrets but creating space to ask questions they might not be ready to bring up at home.”
Know Your (And Your Teen’s) Rights
Building trust is one part of the equation, but parents should also understand that, in some cases, the law gives teens the right to make their own health care choices. Andrea Frey and Alicia Macklin, health care attorneys at Hooper Lundy who co-chair the firm’s reproductive, digital and behavioral health practices, explain when and why teens may have that legal right.
“Parents or guardians generally have the right to consent to or refuse medical care for their minor children,” explains Macklin. But it’s not always that simple. Exceptions can depend on a teen’s status, such as being married, emancipated or in the military, or on the kind of care they need, like mental health treatment, substance use support, or services for sexually transmitted infections and contraception. Some treatments even have age rules: In California, for instance, minors 12 or older can consent to outpatient mental health treatment or counseling, Macklin said.
By law, some conversations with teens must remain private, especially when they can consent to their own care or routine treatment. “Of course,” Frey said, “the minor patient may always choose to involve their parents or other guardians in the care.” But, anything an adolescent shares is protected by privacy laws, including HIPAA and state medical information rules, and in some cases, it may also be covered by psychotherapist-patient privilege.
“Parents have lots to worry about, and the inclination to try to protect our kids from everything is understandable. But it is neither viable, nor healthy, to try to keep kids in bubbles.”
– Dr. Bronwen Carroll, a pediatric emergency physician, and professor at Boston Medical Center and Boston University
Without confidential care, teens might hold back about risky behaviors or emotional struggles, which can delay help and lead to unsafe choices. Dr. Garrison highlights how silence “can perpetuate shame and misinformation,” making it even harder for teens to get the support they need to stay on a healthy developmental path.
When teens get private time with their doctors, they often open up about topics they might hesitate to bring up at home, like sexual activity, substance use, body image, bullying, or mental health struggles. “Many adolescents fear disappointing their parents or being judged,” Dr. Garrison points out. Confidential conversations give them a safe space to be honest and get support early.
As online debates heat up and spill into real life, Dr. Carroll said it’s easy to see why parenting feels tougher than ever. “Parents have lots to worry about, and the inclination to try to protect our kids from everything is understandable. But it is neither viable, nor healthy, to try to keep kids in bubbles,” she said. “By allowing doctors to do the work of doctoring, and allowing kids to do the work of developing, parents are doing the work of parenting in a way that benefits everyone.”
Even with private visits, parents aren’t being sidelined. “It’s worth emphasizing that confidentiality doesn’t mean isolation,” Dr. Garrison said. “It’s part of a broader developmental process that includes family, school and community. When handled thoughtfully, confidential visits empower adolescents while still engaging families as vital partners in their child’s health.” The goal, he said, is not to separate teens from their parents, but to give them the tools to navigate adolescence safely with trusted adults by their side.