Hi Scott,
Two years ago I received a large payment from selling land to developers. Since my husband died, I live on the interest from this money as I get nothing from the Government. Now my stepchildren and friends are constantly asking for large sums. I’m generous and selective – I’ll help with genuinely urgent needs. But I feel mean saying no, even though I need this money for income and bills.
Here’s what hurts: they never contact me to see how I am or if I need help. They only call when they want money. Is it okay to say no? I have enough to live comfortably and give 10% to charity, but I feel guilty having financial security when others struggle.
Jenny
Hi Jenny,
No, you shouldn’t feel guilty. You’re not a human ATM. Your family and friends don’t get to punch in your number and expect money to spit out!
You’re clearly generous, but generosity without boundaries isn’t kindness – it’s just guilt.
So, here’s what I’d do:
Decide in advance how much you’re willing to give each year. Maybe it’s 10% of your income. Maybe it’s 5%. Maybe it’s a kransky and a hand-written card.
Then, when someone inevitably hits you up, you trot out this line: “I’ve set a personal rule to focus my giving on causes I’ve chosen in advance. I hope you understand.”
That’s how you set a clear boundary without drama or guilt.
And if people don’t like it? Let them eat kransky. It’s their problem – not yours.
Scott
