Thank God I am a woman. I could never be a man, anyways, because:
*I could never carry a bulging wallet in my back pocket, let alone drive while sitting on it. It’s a pain in the behind.
*I could never tuck my shirt in my pants every time I dressed up. I like friendly tops that hang loose and discreetly hide my flaws (or at least — that’s what I like to believe).
*I like muttonchops in my mouth but not on the sides of my face.
*I am okay with cats having whiskers but never with whiskers emanating from my ears.
*I like to grow muscles on command instead of having them cling to me at all times. How victorious it feels to transform into Super Girl capable of carrying countless shopping bags on each arm– all because we gals believe that more than one trip from the car to the kitchen is such a waste of time, while a million trips from the house to the store are completely acceptable!
*My brain came fitted with a GPS that is fueled by emotion. Who needs an advanced sense of direction when we know where we are headed?
*I don’t have to join the circus to walk around in stilts.
*I could never NOT shriek with joy! Sometimes, a hearty laugh must be replaced by an ear-piercing, exultant cry projecting from the gut–the kind that only a LADY can make.
“I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they’re the first to be rescued off sinking ships”– Gilda Radner
In honor of International Women’s Day, let’s celebrate womanhood. Let’s live, love and laugh like there is no tomorrow!
Originally published at Huffington Post Comedy