Every week, we round up the best 140-character quips and insights from our esteemed blogging team — and other equally awesome teen tweeters. Scroll down to read the latest batch and share your own suggestions by following @HuffPostTeen!
This week’s tweets have been compiled by Lana Gorlinski. Lana’s a 16-year-old junior from southern California who’s currently juggling schoolwork and water polo practice with a strong desire for sleep and a crippling “Desperate Housewives” addiction.
Whenever the cashier asks for an email address my mom gives them mine, so now I’m basically getting daily emails from The Children’s Place.
— lakshmi (@lakshrni) September 15, 2014
Fall = me wearing the same sweater every day in the 5 different colors I bought it in during the Nordstrom Anniversary sale
— Bizzy Emerson (@bizzyems) September 18, 2014
i just had to postpone a business call because i was updating to ios8
this is my life
— Anthony Quintal (@lohanthony) September 17, 2014
Does Beyonce have a song that goes “Ladies, tell em, I ate eggplant parm for breakfast in bed every day this week” or is that just me
— emma mclaughlin (@pizzaree) September 18, 2014
The shame in asking for a decaf pumpkin spice.
— Kami Baker (@thekamrinbaker) September 14, 2014
If the machines taking over means free U2 music appearing on my phone then, you know what, I might just be okay with it.
— Kiley Roache (@KileyRoache) September 13, 2014
i was gonna go out to buy lunch 2 hours ago but then the internet happened.
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) September 16, 2014
I’m allergic to productivity before noon.
— Jackson Barnett (@jacksonbarnett) September 11, 2014
Please accept me: an autobiography on my pre-college struggles
— helen yang (@hailunnn) September 3, 2014
I just ate nutella with a fork
my life is spinning out of control
— justina sharp (@bentpieceofwire) September 15, 2014
Beyoncé’s hair is always blowing because she has so many fans.
— Neel Swamy (@neel_swamy) September 10, 2014
At least 90% of the texts I send to my friends are just asking for selfie advice.
— MISS BENNY 🍒 (@Miss_Benny) September 18, 2014
Functions?? More like, I can’t function this is hard please stop
— sam goodyear (@sammygoodz) September 18, 2014
Who hurt you, lady who specifies at what temperature you want your Starbucks order??
— Celeste (@celesteyim) September 17, 2014
Do you think I can call HUPD (university police) to come kill a spider
— Annie Schugart (@Annie_Schugart) September 4, 2014
The fact that my birthday is the same day as national guacamole day is definitely not just a coincidence
— Morgan Levy (@morganslevy) September 17, 2014
The health benefits of going to sleep early aren’t even that appealing because of how much twitter I have to catch up on
— Eden, Fryer of Men (@erf_erferferf) September 17, 2014
Originally published at Huffington Post Comedy